500 words challenge, Writing

{Day 7} I Feel Like My Lungs Are Going to Explode Into Feathers & Words Tonight

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I’ve been using my words and my inner desires to figure out the person that I am right now and to create the person that I want to be in the near future. It’s not that those two personas are quite different. I think it’s like my current persona is in the puberty age, looking up to my future persona as her full-grown adult superhero.

I have passed the baby and the toddler stages. Those were the days when I learned how to write, how to blog, discovered other writers, appreciate and even envied a few, both living and dead. When I try to recall how I feel about my kiddie selves, I like my innocent scribbles during those times. I’ve written for myself, keeping all my thoughts a secret — both offline (notebooks, journals, password-protected Microsoft Word) and online (anonymous blogger).

That went on until I craved for recognition and interaction with regards to my writing. I wanted to be read. I wanted to be heard. I wanted people to slice my chest and take a look at what’s inside. I wanted to induce a reaction — mostly affirmation from them. So, I decided to come out in the blogosphere.

I took the first step.

I made a blogging mess obviously, writing about this and that, but consciously worrying of what people have to say about me or my thoughts. So I kind of filtered them. My high school honest, ethereal, dramatic writing faded on my current ink. I questioned myself on how evil of me to let that precious little writing pixie go.

Well, it’s just not me to blame. I took up engineering, trying to awaken the “smart and technical” side of my person because I always thought that I could be a better person if I could contribute like how the left-brainers of society do. I ended up being a test engineer, facing integrated circuits for breakfast, talking to them on coded words, on a level that they understand me.

I stayed in my company, you bet, but I couldn’t stop my fingers from hitting on the keyboard in an attempt to save my writer alter ego. So, after a brain-draining day, I would always write on my blog until I discovered that I could get paid for my writing. It was a prestige that I am not willing to keep to myself. I read more blogs, fished for more employees while keeping my day job. My personal blog transitioned into a Lifestyle and Finance blog. And I don’t know where to place

I have been writing, but I’ve been writing for somebody else. I longed for happy reliefs after a tiring heartfelt entry. I longed for writing for myself. I longed for writing and reading and reading more and writing more about what I have just read and reading more about writing. I longed for this kind of life.

I dream of this life while writing pieces (ie, e-mails) that I am not excited about. Okay, yeah, I often get lost in my thoughts in the office because I can no longer wait for the day when I can say that I’m giving up writing codes for writing on blogs. Repression breeds

Today may not be the day when my adult writer self should be awakened, but I can feel its faint breathing oh so close.

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500 words challenge, Writing

{Day 1} The Write Commitment

Define writing. 

— something I love

Define commitment.

— something I sort of loathe

Define ‘The Write Commitment’

— something far too lovely for me to loathe

So by now, you probably have an idea on how I feel about this challenge. Just like every other people. On challenges. I would do things that I hate so that I could achieve something that I want or I desire or love. In my case, it’s just clashing responsibilities and priorities which make me kind of I’ll-comply-though-I’m-tired attitude with this Write Commitment. I mean, I absolutely love free writing, but hey I have a day job and some creative writing sidelines which I need to have a second stream of income.

So, why have I signed up for the 500 words challenge?

Sometimes, I just want to write for myself. On my personal blog. On this blog, my literary poop tub. And our finance blog. And my online portfolio, but I think I just can’t. So maybe this is why I’ve joined the 500 words bandwagon. To help me help myself. To help me do the things that I love. Or maybe I am just taking much more things that I can actually can, but hey, I love to be able to do things that I love. 

Do I swear, really really swear to finish the 500 words challenge?

Yes, I do! Really, really do. As my co-internet-frenzy writer friend told me, I should do some CPR on my blogs. Because I want my writing to be heard. And talked about. And linked to. You know, that kind of stuff. And, besides, Jeff says I could skip a day. (Oh, so me, procrastinating eve before starting!) So, if I stick to my Write Commitment, I am about to through 31 days of pure writing. That would be a total bliss. Not to mention, productive.

Am I willing to be hard on myself and have expectations?

I’ll say yes. I have been missing my writing days so yes, I am going to encourage myself to go write everyday. Before I go to the shower. Before I sleep. Any time just as long as I am alone. I am usually pesky when someone talks to me while I am writing. My boyfriend can attest to that.

Yep, so back to my expectations. Here it goes:

Myself, I expect time-worthy blog pieces on your personal blog, literary blog, finance blog and the Finance Pinoy blog. I also expect you to make this time as a chance to go find prospects on which sites to write for. Take the plunge. Make it bigger. Online-preneurs have been coming to you without you reaching out to them first. I believe you could take heaps more if you begin to reach out to them. And most especially, I expect you to write helpful posts. Those that your readers will find inspiration from, find technical help from, gain financial wisdom from, and most especially, anchor God’s surprising love from. I know you have your tone and voice of writing developed by now. But, I know you could do so much much more. Build a blog that captures, darling.

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for Magpie Tales, Prose Poetry, Writing

Magpie Mondays: Dream Balloons and Lane-Free Pathways

Apprehensions, move out of the way.

Fear, you can wait, but you can only in vain.

Because I’ll be driving on a lane-free path today.

Discernment has gotten the better of me.

In my boat shoes, I would fly over the waters.

Because I’ll be driving on a lane-free path today.

I’ll kiss all my doubts goodbye out of my car window,

as the image of my comfort zone shrinks on my rear-view mirror

Because I’ll be driving on a lane-free path today.

** Written for The Magpie Tales

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