Guides to Life, Writing

Tips in Dealing with Your Internet Service Provider

Warning: Everything is ended by a sarcmark.


When the indigenous people used to have everyday problems like finding food and building huts, the now people (that’s me and you) struggle to have the fastest possible internet connection speed. When others have this unlimited opportunity for free (like when their neighbor’s wifi signal can find its way to their bedrooms), I am one of those unfortunate ones who patiently wait for their internet connection bug to be fixed.

So, while I do wait for our internet connection to be installed back to its normal state, I want to share with you some tips that I have managed to collect during my time with this certain internet service provider company, which I wish to conceal.

  1. Check your internet connection every minute of everyday. You might never know when it could get busted. You’ll end up doing two weeks of non-internet activities.
  2. Call customer support as soon as possible. While waiting, you can listen to the ring back, which announces the latest promos and raffle draws, which could take up minutes of your time.
  3. Oh and before I forget. Turn on your antenna and computer first for them to diagnose your connection concern.
  4. Your ears should be cleaned before doing the job. You have to press a lot of 1’s and 2’s before you reach human interaction on the phone. Have your reference number printed and hang it on the wall. You have to key it in several times if you call.
  5. If they can’t figure out what’s wrong, you’ll be directed to a customer representative who can surely help you with your connection problem.
  6. Carefully follow the instructions made by the representative. He or she will ask first if you’re indeed a computer literate. The sound of doubt can be tracked on his or her tone and choice of simple words.
  7. Basically, the representative will just make you connect to the network and ask you what appears on the screen. You’ll be asked to plug in the big black thing into the socket and ask if you can see a blue bubble or a big X mark on the two computers figure on lower right portion of the screen. As if they’re sure that your taskbar is in the normal, default position.
  8. Then, patiently wait for two hours. Sleep, eat and wash your clothes first.
  9. Call the customer support again. You will notice that the lively promotion ads start to irritate you. Also, upon hearing the features of their network like “download this and that at an amazing rate of 2Mbps”, you will feel like the Cheetos that you have eaten earlier want to come back to your throat. When this happens, relax. Breathe in and out.
  10. Repeat Steps 3 to 8.
  11. After a couple of days of doing this, the two hours of waiting time can change into 24 hours. Just wait. After all, they say it’s just a minor problem that can be fixed in no time.
  12. Finally, weekend has come. You can go to their wireless center and voice out your concern. Get your number from the security guard and wait for at least, an hour.
  13. Take advantage of the mall’s free wifi. Bring a laptop. You can finish an entire article before your number will be called.
  14. Now that a customer representative is listening to you, say your concern. All he or she will do is ask your reference number. If you fail to remember, you can always say the name of the account holder. After this, they will ask your contact number. They will schedule a field visit in your area.
  15. Wait for about a week for the field visit. It isn’t your fault that you have to go to work and that the only time you have for this unnecessary dealing is the weekend.
  16. Repeat Step # 2 to 8 to inquire about the field visit.
  17. Schedule the visit during your day off.
  18. Upon scheduling, if the representative said 10 AM, then expect the contractors to call you in the afternoon. If your schedule is tight and they have failed to arrived at the agreed upon time, never hesitate to leave the house when necessary.
  19. After they called you at 3 PM, you’ll tell them that they were supposed to come at 10 AM. They’ll say “Oh, wala po kasing nakalagay na time sa schedule”. Translation: “The time was not indicated when we received the schedule.” Just sigh, never allow your head to heat up.
  20. They’ll tell you they’ll come back tomorrow, Saturday. They’ll just text when they’re coming.
  21. Stay at home on a Saturday. Then, expect them to say this — Contractor: “Sorry, Ma’am, wala po kaming high ladder na dala. Balik na lang po kami bukas.” Translation: “Sorry, Ma’am, we don’t have a high ladder with us. We’ll come back tomorrow.”
  22. When these really smart contractors are calling, tell them to bring a high ladder because the canopy antenna is usually located on top of a roof, which is a little bit high. As a customer, remind them that they’ll need a ladder to climb on to.
  23. My last tip is finally the most important one. Find another internet service provider in your area.

Hope you have learned something from this. I have to give up earning online for almost a month now just because my internet connection sucks. My Paypal limitation was eliminated faster than my local internet connection problem. Tsk. And to think that this local internet connection support is geographically nearer than the Paypal support.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering what a sarcmark is. It’s a punctuation mark used to indicate sarcasm.

Originally published way back in Sat, Mar 26, 2011 in Webupon as dame016.